Thank You For Calling
by Slinky-and-the-BloodyWands
Summary: A series of one-shots, all starting with one Harmony Kendall calling The Midnight Hour.
1. Next Caller

Title: Next Caller

Summary: Harmony needs some advice, so she calls Kitty's radio show.

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or _Kitty and the Midnight Hour_ by Carrie Vaughn. I am making no money off this fanwork.

A/N: For Angel, set post series; for Kitty Norville, set between _Kitty and the Midnight Hour_ and _Kitty Goes to Washington_. I don't often write a story that's entirely dialogue, but when I do it probably involves a radio show.

* * *

"We have Harmony from Los Angeles on the line. Hello, Harmony."

"Hi, Kitty! I love your name, by the way. So adorbs. And I'm _so_ happy you took my call. I'm having a serious issue here."

"Uh, thanks, and you're welcome. What seems to be the issue?"

"I listen to your show, like, religiously, and you always give out such good advice, so I thought you might be able to help. See, I've just lost me job, and I'm a little worried about getting a new one. Oh, I guess I should tell you I'm a vampire, and as you might imagine, most night jobs involve doing things that are just,_ eww_."

"Well, Harmony, most of the vampires I know don't worry very much about the job market. They usually work under their master. Since you haven't mentioned one, though, am I to assume you don't associate with the local master?"

"Uh,_ duh_, no. I'm one of the independent undead, thank you."

"Let me guess. Bad break-up?"

"...I...well...yes...My first real 'master' was kind of a jerk to me. I mean, hello, he staked me, and even though we hooked up again recently, and he seemed to be a really different person, it turned out he was different to everyone _but _me. So, I'm totally over him. For real. And I'm over having a master. I was even my own master for a while."

"_You_. You were a master vampire?"

"Yeah. I had minions and everything. But that, uh, didn't work out..."

"Okay, so let's get back to the job hunt. You said you just lost your job?"

"I was the secretary to a very powerful vampire CEO, and oh-my-God, it was way harder than it sounds, but totally worth the dental insurance. But I moved up the ladder really quick, so, like, everyone was jealous of me. Which, I was always super popular in high school, so I'm used to that, but things were pretty intense around the water cooler. One of the other secretaries even tried to frame me for murder."

"Sounds extreme."

"It was. And I totally thought I'd was getting canned after I staked her, but apparently, it worked in my boss's favor, so it was cool. Still, afterwards, the break-room was totally hostile."

"And that's why you quit?"

"Oh, I...I didn't quit."

"You were fired."

"Technically...I mean, I guess you could say the business was kind of going under. And, well, also, I might have slept with my boss's enemy and told him some things..."

"You gave away company secrets?"

"Sure. We'll go with that."

"So, in summary, you betrayed a master vampire who wasn't_ your _master vampire. And now you're looking for a job? Harmony, are you sure you should have used your real name and location when you called?"

"Oh, Angel isn't coming after me! He was really okay with the whole thing. He even left me a nice letter of recommendation."

"You have a letter of recommendation from a CEO, a recent work history...It sounds like you already have what you need to find a new job. Maybe what you're looking for isn't a new job but a change?"

"Okay, you got me. It's not just any job I need help finding...What I really want is a job in entertainment. That's why I called you, you're a working-class werewolf, living the dream. If anyone knows how to get started, you do, obviously."

"Trust me, I didn't plan on being in radio, or having my own show. It just kind of happened."

"But it really took off after you came out, right? Because that's what people like about the show, it's about the supernatural?"

"Well, I like to think I'm helping people become more aware and addressing the problems of the supernatural community."

"I know, but like, the supernatural stuff really helps rating, right? So, like, say a vampire wanted to get her own show or magazine column or book deal or something - "

"Harmony, trust me, you might want to think twice before 'coming out'. It can be dangerous for a vampire, even one without a master."

"I get that, sure, but what if that hypothetical vampire, like, uh, got caught doing something, like biting a celebrity. I mean, that doesn't count as coming out, does it? I mean, she couldn't really get blamed for people taking pictures of that, could she?"

"..."

"Kitty? Am I still on the air?"

"Next caller, please."


	2. Tonight's Guest

**Title**: Tonight's Guest  
**Summary:** "Tonight, as our guest, we have the star of the controversial new MTV reality show, _Harmony Bites_, and self proclaimed vampire spokesperson. Harmony Kendall, thanks for being here."  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Kitty Norville.  
**A/N:** This 'show' is set post-Buffy, during the comic "Harmonic Divergence" (you don't have to read that first to read this) and after the first book for Kitty.

* * *

"Welcome back to _The Midnight Hour_. This is Kitty Norville, your host. Tonight, as our guest, we have self-proclaimed vampire spokesperson and the star of the controversial new MTV reality show, _Harmony Bites._ Harmony Kendall, thanks for being here."

"And thank you for having me, Kitty! I was so surprised when I was offered the guest spot, but I'm so happy I could make room in my schedule for your little show."

"Really? Because my producer says your agent has been harassing him since - "

"And, wow! Look at the two of us, campaigning for the rights of our kind. And how cool is it that you're a blond, too! I mean, granted, you could maybe use some low-lights and high-lights, and I know this is radio, so make-up really isn't 'required', but you don't have to let your inner wolf own your look, you know? Oh, but I guess I'm off subject, we're here to talk about my show, after all."

"Actually, we're here to talk about your role in the general public's current view of vampires and the supernatural."

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. You know, you're a big part of my own 'coming out'. I used to listen to your show, like, religiously, and when you admitted to being a wolf, you were, like, the wake-up call I needed."

"Yes, I remember you calling the show a few times. You're hard to forget."

"Aww, thanks, Kitty."

"Harmony, some of your critics in the supernatural world have complained that your show romanticizes your vampire lifestyle."

"Well, I mean, I do date a lot of guys who are into vampires, but I'm totally not easy. I mean, this girl has self respect."

"That's not what...Nevermind. Do you find it disturbing, the number of young people who watch your show and want to become like you? As in, 'undead'?"

"Well, I've always been a bit of a trendsetter, even when I was human, so I'm totally used to people trying to imitate my style, but I've been very, very responsible when it comes to informing the viewing audience of the major hardships associated with vampires. It's, like, really hard, you know? Living this unlife?"

"I do know, actually."

"Oh, Kitty, that was totally insensitive of me. Of course you know what it's like, and, duh, me, I should never have commented on your hair without considering how hard it is to maintain during your monthlies. It's like dying it probably isn't even worth it if you're just going to get dark roots when you sprout fur."

"I was actually referring to turning into a beast during the full moon and losing control of my body as being my primary 'hardship'."

"That too, I guess. Hey, you know what would be awesome? What if you were on _my_ show? I'm sure my fans would love to see my werewolf bestie."

"No. And we're not besties."

"But, wouldn't it be great for your audience to be able to see you, and I mean, we'd have so much fun, and, oh, wow, wouldn't it be great if we could get that hunter guy on too? He sounded hot."

"He sounded hot? When he was hired to kill me?"

"There was chemistry..."

"The answer is no."

"But - "

"Let's take some callers, shall we?"


	3. Interview with a Vampire

Title: Interview with a Vampire

Summary: Kitty is in the middle of nowhere, traveling between shows, when she stops at a bar and meets a vampire who recognizes her voice and would like to comment on her interview with Harmony Kendall, his ex.

A/N: Setting for Kitty series is between _Kitty and the Midnight Hour_ and _Kitty goes to Washington._

* * *

"I know that voice..._How_ do I know that voice?"

I couldn't help but flinch when I heard the question, asked in a cockney accent that didn't fit the Honky Tonk setting in any way. If anyone else in the bar had asked, I would have smiled and fessed up, somewhat happy to have found a fan of my show in such a rural spot. But, of course, it was the one guy I'd tried to avoid who was doing the asking.

It wasn't that I have anything against vampires exactly, but as soon as I'd sniffed this one out, my wolf had started pacing, sensing a danger. I told her to calm down, but the full moon was two nights away, and she was hard to reason with at this time of the month. Which was the reason I'd stopped here, in the middle of Nowhere, USA, planning to scope out potential running grounds.

The reason I'd stopped in the bar, though, was purely for me. I'd smelled the fried food from my motel room down the street and sought it out in hopes that the kitchen was still open at this time of night. I'd sniffed out the lone vampire as well, as soon I walked inside, but the food had been too seductive for me to turn tail.

This is what I deserved for eating crap, I supposed. I waved the waitress off with my order, hoping she didn't think I was being rude.

I kept my head down, but I saw the vampire stand, somewhat tipsy, and pick up his beer and a platter of what appeared to be a blooming onion. Sure enough, he was walking my way. And, was he actually drunk? What the hell kind of vampire could actually get drunk?

And I'd never seen one dine on anything but blood. I took another deep breath, thinking maybe I'd gotten him wrong. Maybe he was something other than a vampire. Some sort of ghoul-like creature I'd never met before? Nothing would surprise me at this point.

Without an invitation, he slid into the booth seat across from me, pushing the platter to the center of the table, as if he intended to share.

"Kitty bleedin' Norville," he announced, proudly, as if he'd solved a riddle. "Thought that was your voice I 'eard. Listen to your show a bit, when I get a chance. Fun stuff, 'specially when the loons call in, hoping to learn more about Dracula or whatnot. He's a fancy-boy shit, by the way, and real. Got that one wrong, love."

Instinct told me to run, the wolf told me to change. I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm. For the moment, at least, I had myself under control.

"Thanks," I said, hesitantly. I couldn't help but ask. "Are you drunk?"

"Am I?" he asked, brow raised. And he was attractive in that Billy Idol, punk rock kind of way, what with the bleached hair and the leather, and those killer cheek bones. Probably would have been more handsome without the piece of fried onion hanging from the neck of his black shirt. But it helped him smell like something other than blood and death, which was a plus. "That was the intent," he explained, a few seconds later. "Get smashed, make a bit of a ruckus, piss Peaches off enough to come out of hiding. But if that git wants to run off without me, so be it. Don't need him, but he could have left me his fancy daylight-proof car, the sod, and I would have thought Big Blue wouldn't have left without her favorite pet."

I blinked. There was so much I wanted to digest from that statement, but I backed up to earlier. "Did you say you knew Dracula?"

"Owes me eleven quid." But he shrugged, as if putting that aside. "Trust me, he's not as interesting as you'd think. He's one of those poofer vampires, with their fancy tricks, putting folks into trances and the like. Didn't invent the stereo-type, but he sure fit into it well enough."

This was officially getting interesting. I could almost feel my wolf settling down to listen, too. Which was odd, considering the dead predator in front of us, but apparently she was a fan now. Maybe we both realized this guy wasn't exactly going for the neck. Yet.

"What's your name?"

"Spike," he said, then huffed. "I imagine you might remember me."

"You called the show?"

"Oh, god, no..." He made a face. "Well, there was this one time, but I didn't call in under my...Nevermind. You're right, I'm a bit drunk. But still too sober to bring that up. No, I had an ex who called in, used my name on the bloody radio and everything. Got laughed out of a demon club after that."

The nickname did sound somewhat familiar, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember which caller had brought it up. "Who's the ex?"

"Oh, now _her_ I know you'll remember. Heard the interview you did just a bit back, about her new MTV reality show. Stupidest thing I've ever seen that show, not that I watch it. Bird really does know how to preen in the lime light, though, don't she?"

My eyes widened in realization. "Harmony? You dated Harmony?"

"Ain't proud." Spike snorted, taking a sip off his beer. Again, I really wanted to ask how his body could handle that, but I held my tongue, not wanting to interrupt him. "And don't make it sound like I dated a slug demon or something. She's got her good qualities. Or, well...Alright, maybe not enough to count on one hand, but I was evil when we dated. And desperate for a re-bound when we hooked up."

I heard a chuckle, then realized it had come from me. I bit back another. Seriously, did I have no sense of self preservation?

"So you're not currently 'evil'?"

"I see those air quotes there, love, but I'll have you know I used to be a rotten sort. Still not exactly a saint, but I'm not into the maim and murder scene quite so much."

That was comforting. "If I remember correctly, Harmony said you used her for sex. Tried to stake her."

"_Did_ stake her," he noted. "But just to test something out. That's beside the point though. Have you ever met her? Has she mentioned her unicorn collection yet? I was bad, yeah, but she was no picnic herself."

I chewed my lip, considering the possibilities. I had a show lined up for the next studio, but there was room for another guest. And I did pride myself on getting both sides of a story. Okay, and maybe a little part of me was annoyed by Harmony Kendall and would love to hear several embarrassing stories from her ex.

"Would you consider being on the show, Spike?"

He opened and closed his mouth, as if I'd interrupted him, then seemed to consider my question. "Sorry, love, 'fraid I can't. Keepin' my head down at the moment. Got a few too many enemies looking for me."

"Maybe another time?"

He shrugged. "Sure. It's only talkin'. Guess it might be a bit of fun to get my old pals riled up on air." He gave me a smirk that sent a chill down my back. "And I wouldn't mind seeing you again. Woman with a dead sexy radio voice, and the looks to match."

"Werewolf with a dead sexy radio voice," I corrected, but I could feel the skin on my neck flush and knew he could see I was blushing. Stupid vampires. Usually their charms didn't work that well on me. Granted, I had always been a fan of Billy Idol, so maybe it wasn't the vampire part that was doing the work.

"Well, see, love, that just makes you all the more interesting," he said, grinning. "See you around, Kitty Norville."

He stood up, sauntering off with little of the drunken sway that he'd arrived with. A little part of me wanted to ask him where he was staying. Just out of curiosity. In case I had any more questions.

"Ma'am?"

The waitress had returned, beef tips and fries in tow, and she gave me a cheerful smile that wavered a tad when she sat the bill down.

I glanced at it. "I think that's for the wrong table."

"Oh, it's your boyfriend's tab. He said to send it over to your table, and to bring you this." She lifted a drink off her serving tray, sitting it in front of me. A Bloody Mary.

"Of course," I muttered, glaring at the cocktail.

Of course, he had left me with his bill. Damn vampires. For the first time in my life, I had to fight down the urge to call Harmony Kendall. Thankfully, my rational side kicked in before I did just that, but at my next show, I'd be taking any callers who'd heard of a vampire named "Spike," and I had a feeling I'd hear a few entertaining stories.


End file.
